Why I wish Nathan Drake was my boyfriend

Alyssa Harrison


We have all seen the PlayStation 3 commercial where a guy complains that his girlfriend thinks Uncharted 2 is a movie. Kevin Butler didn’t think that was a problem because the truth is, the Uncharted series is like watching a movie. And chicks will dig it. Hell, if the guy is lucky his girlfriend might even make him a sandwich while she watches him play. Or she might take the controller from him and have a go herself. Either way, Uncharted has bridged the gap between gaming and girlfriends so really, it’s win-win.

When I finally bought a PS3 2 years ago, Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune was the first game I purchased, and I finished it faster than a freshman finishes a 12-pack during frosh week. Finally, here was a game that had the pace, dialogue, and character depth of a movie but didn’t sacrifice a solid gaming experience. I quickly moved on to the sequel, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, and once again was blown away by what the creators at Naughty Dog brought to life on my TV. I immersed myself in the excellent storyline, exotic locations, and introduction of fun new characters. The cut scenes were superb, the interaction with Drake and his surroundings was unparalleled, and the emotion in some scenes even had me choking back tears a couple times. As much as I hate to disagree with the VP of Epic Footage himself, but I don’t think Uncharted 2 was like a movie. It was better. It gave me a solid 12 hours of entertainment that I controlled; when was the last time a movie offered that? And I got to blow shit up with an M32-Hammer and pick off guys like flies with a Dragon Sniper. If there’s a better way to blow off PMS rage, I am unaware of it.

The graphics are the best in show, the fight sequences and puzzles are endlessly entertaining, and the cut scenes are just as good as any acclaimed Hollywood movie. But what really keeps a girl hooked on this series? Two sexy, sexy words- Nathan Drake. Guys, you have Lara Croft so you can understand where I’m coming from. Nathan Drake is every girl’s dream, and here are my reasons for why I wish he was my boyfriend.

1. He brought sexy back

The creators at Naughty Dog put a lot of thought into Drake’s physical appearance. He has the everyman style, a basic shirt and jeans that get progressively dirtier as he rolls through his adventures. The ever present ring around his neck symbolizes his determination and love for what he does, a constant reminder that “greatness [comes] from small beginnings.” He’s a regular guy who just happens to get himself into crazy situations. But he handles it all in stride, swaggering along rocking the half tuck and a loaded twin gun holster. Drake has always been an attractive man, but the visual improvements in Uncharted 3 had me drooling. The sparkle in his eyes, the constant 5 o’clock shadow and the well defined biceps that support him as he scales the sides of ancient ruins and jumps up ladders… yes, jumps UP ladders. The upper body strength that would entail is mindblowing. His ruggishly striking looks and approachable appearance are the stuff of dreams. Sexy dreams.

2. He can kill men with his bare hands. And guns. And bombs.


[Minor Spoilers]
Being Nathan Drake is fun. The laws of physics don’t apply and he makes the most of this covetable quality. In Uncharted 3 he escapes a burning building, a capsizing cruise ship, and a crumbling city in the middle of the desert. The hand to hand combat is head and shoulders above its predecessor’s. He jumps from a staircase, kicks an enemy in the face, snatches the gun as it flies through the air, and rolls safely behind cover, ready to take down an army of soldiers single-handed. He bare-knuckle brawls with English thugs that have 2 feet and 100 lbs on him. He rides horseback through the desert, shooting his way through a caravan of enemies that are holding Sully hostage. He changes weapons like a girl changes clothes, effortlessly switching between a .45 Defender, an M9, and an RPG-7. He is the epitome of action hero, the kind of guy any girl would love to have rescue her from a legion of cursed Nazi-zombie things. Wherever the Drake’s Damsel List is, I want to get my name on it.

3. He’s a Man of Mystery with a heart of ancient Spanish gold

What makes Nathan Drake tick? His cockiness has landed him balls deep in trouble more times than anyone can count, but we all still love him for it. He brushes aside serious questions or reprimands them with witty one-liners and always saves the day so we forgive him for the trouble he causes. He’s reckless, he’s confident and he’s got more bad-ass than he knows what to do with. But beneath the layers of roguish charm we know there are impenetrable morals and a broken past that haunts him. Despite the quick banter and old man jibes aimed at Sully, Drake would go to the ends of the earth for his surrogate father. He has the swagger of a ladies man but at the end of the day he’s gonna take home the good girl. (As we saw at the end of Uncharted 2. Cue the awwwwwe moment as we reflect on the final cut scene). Uncharted 3 promises to answer many of the questions still lingering around our Man of Mystery. Is Drake the decepted or the deceptee? Is this Sir Francis? Or our beloved Nathan? Is our lovable hero finally faced with demons from his past? Why does he so willingly gamble his life for nothing more than stubborn pride? Will he finally commit to being with the good girl? I hope so. It’s just too bad the girl can’t be me.