A Tribute to Video Game Moustaches

Myles Milligan


Well folks, it’s that special time of the year again. You know what I’m talking about. That one special month where men everywhere make the conscious decision to grow out their lip-sweaters, all in the name of spreading awareness to prostate and testicular cancer. That’s right, I’m talking about “Movember”. As a moustache enthusiast I could go on, and on about how moustaches make the world a better place. Instead, however, I’m choosing to pay homage to certain characters who don’t limit their moustache sporting to one month out of the year. More specifically, moustache-bearing characters in video games. Below you will find a list of my favourite video game moustaches throughout history. To all the readers with moustaches: should you, at any point during your reading experience, feel the need to stroke your “tache” in utter delight, don’t worry. I understand. This is a perfectly normal feeling and you should not feel embarrassed to do so. Enjoy.

1. Victor Sullivan – Uncharted Series.

Nothing angers Sully more than a bare upper lip.

What better character is there to start this list off than good ol’ Victor “Sully” Sullivan? Sully made his first appearance in Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune, and has been a major character since then. Like a good pal, Sully is always there to aid his friend Nathan Drake on treasure hunting expeditions. In fact, it was Victor Sullivan who mentored a young Nathan Drake into the world class treasure hunter that he is. Other than being a real man’s-man, Victor has the bragging rights to having one of the best moustaches in video games today. Just one look at it brings up that familiar caricature of a suave, charming, older gentleman with a wealth of experience. To you, Mr. Sullivan, I say, “Well done, sir.”

2. Saxton Hale – Team Fortress 2.

The name’s Saxton Hale. Australian, CEO of Mann Co, and one hell of a moustache!

If his name doesn’t give it away already, the fact that he sports a rugged moustache, a crocodile-tooth lined hat, and has a patch of chest hair in the shape of Australia is surely enough to speak for itself. Saxton Hale is a total bad ass! Saxton Hale came about through a series of comics that were specifically related to Team Fortress 2‘s content. His biggest contribution to the game thus far has been the addition of the Mann Co. Store. This store allows players to purchase weapons, hats, taunts and other various items to be used during gameplay. Since this major update, Saxton Hale has been added as a playable mod within the game as well. Hale’s official policy is: “If you aren’t 100% satisfied with our product line, you can take it up with me!” With words like that, it’s hard to deny him as the unstoppable force that he is.

3. Revolver Ocelot – Metal Gear Solid Series.

Greatest handgun ever made? I say, greatest moustache ever made!

When you think about it, Revolver Ocelot is kind of a must-have when it comes to assembling a list of video game gentlemen with exceptional moustaches. Wielding a Colt .45 Single Action Army Revolver, that he proclaims is “the greatest handgun ever made,” Ocelot is probably the deadliest quick draw that Solid Snake has ever had the inconvenience of encountering. Throughout the series, Ocelot has had multiple updates to his image. Specifically one where his moustache was removed in Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater. Luckily, the designers had the common sense to bring it back in the fourth instalment, because let’s be honest, other than his crazy gun spinning tricks, that “tache” is the most unmistakable feature about him. I mean, the man had his arm amputated in the first game. Do you really think had he been endowed with a lesser moustache he could’ve survived? I don’t.

4. The King of All Cosmos – Katamari Series.

“Don’t stop me now, cuz I’m having a good time!”

What’s not to say about the King of All Cosmos? A flamboyantly-dressed giant king flying about through outer space. Yeah, I know. Pretty odd. However, not quite as odd as his obsession with rolling up objects into a massive ball. First impressions of the King give you the sense that he’s arrogant. Having his son, the Prince, do all the work for him and then taking all the credit. All while insulting and even occasionally punishing him for his failures. Apparently, he only does it because he really cares. All that being said, he does have a really awesome moustache to suit his eclectic sense of style. You might even say it’s a moustache fit for a King… Of All Cosmos!

5. George Woodman – Deadly Premonition.

With a “tache” like that, what’s left to ponder?

Like many titles before it, Deadly Premonition is one that you would find on the Island of Misfit Games. Since its release it has garnered much unfavourable criticism, and has established a large cult following. Whatever your opinion is of this game, there are many memorable characters that exist within its story. One of those characters is the sheriff of Greenvale, George Woodman. Much like the King of All Cosmos, George comes off as having an arrogant attitude. But enough about his personality, let’s talk about the real point of interest. Take a gander at that manly handlebar moustache! Let me tell you, it takes an exceptionally passionate gentleman to pull off that classic western look. If his moustache could talk, it would probably ask you for a bottle of Bourbon and some chewing tobacco.

6. The Great Deku Tree – Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

Hey, what’s with the stiff upper lip?

Moustaches on people, well, that’s one thing. Moustaches on trees… now you just blew my mind! Not only is the Great Deku Tree from Ocarina of Time extremely wise, he’s also a total stud. Ordained with the task of protecting the spirits of the forest, the Great Deku Tree doesn’t let his job dictate how he presents himself. How awesome is a tree with a moustache? I’ll tell you. It’s so unbelievably awesome that I can’t even put into words how awesome it is. It’s really nice to see that the designers for this game put some thought into how this character should look. I’m going to go off on a limb and say that this is my favourite “tache” in this list. Possibly out of every game I’ve ever played!

7. Mario, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi – Mario Bros. Series.

Oh come on boys, a four way tie isn’t that bad!

I know, I know, you saw it coming from a mile away. But I would have to be insane not to include them on this list. If you’re going to honour one of them, you may as well honour them all. Mario, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi all have some of the greatest moustaches in video games. Each one as manly as they are unique. These pioneers of facial hair have been rocking their upper lip fuzz since 1985. Well, Mario and Luigi at least. Either way, all four of them are responsible for making moustaches cool. I’d be surprised if there wasn’t at least one person out there who was inspired to grow one out because of the Mario Bros. Time and time again, they have proven that they belong among the upper echelons of video game franchises. Not only that, but they remind us in times like these; it’s always better to be a bro!